IN THE SPIRIT OF VALENTINE: MY CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE [PART ONE]

At age 16 after my SSCE, I had already drafted my life plan as to how I was going to graduate as a geologist at 21, fix my life at 23 and then get married at 26, ceteris paribus. Indeed it was a beautiful and achievable 10years dream because like most parents would say, “become a graduate first before you think of marriage”.

To most parents, getting married while in school could hinder your academic performance as well as cut out some opportunities and benefits accruing to you as a young and single person. Now that's fine; but you see, waiting till you're a graduate doesn't guarantee a successful marriage. You can be a graduate at an advanced age yet your mind set is like that of a child; your reasoning is somewhat retrospective.

Lately, many friends have been making crude, hilarious and unreasoned statements about marriage to me, but I just look at them and wonder the risk they want me to undertake.

Dear lovers of pre-wedding photos, bridal showers, bachelor's eves and bridal trains, marriage has NOTHING to do with the aforementioned events; it has nothing to do with the ambience of colours you see, in fact the ceremonies do not contribute even 1% to the success of any marriage. If you feel you're ripe for marriage, please think beyond these things.

Many people don't even have a personal relationship with themselves yet they hope to have a beautiful and life-long relationship with their spouse. I am not saying you must be a perfect and ideal man or woman before you think of marriage, I'm saying that self love is the key to every successful relationship. Oscar Wilde once said that “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” and Bhudda also opined that “If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another”.

Now marriage is you accepting to spend the rest of your life with a total stranger –it is a form of adoption. Before you rush into marriage or allow yourself to be pushed into it, remember that you cannot cry back to your biological family when your foster family begins to treat you differently.

Though love alone does not sustain marriage, it conjoins together with understanding to yield a long-lasting relationship.

Myles Munroe once said that “the reason many people are not married is because God is protecting other people from them”.

Would you love to marry yourself if you knew all you know about yourself? Would you like your spouse to be you? Would you be able to cohabit with someone of your kind? How would you tolerate others if you can't tolerate your own self? 

You get angry at every opportunity you have and the only way out is for you to either break something, pull down something or scatter something. Now, there you are! Asking an innocent child to marry you; thereby offering him/her self to you as a sacrificial lamb to be broken, pulled or scattered whenever you're angry.

Marriage is indeed a risk; before you think of getting married to someone, marry yourself first!

There are a whole lot of setups, risks and discomforts in marriage, but all these could be averted if only you marry your friend. The question now is: WHO, THEN, IS YOUR FRIEND?